


hurts like hell

by legend126



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: 10+1, Crushes, F/M, M/M, VERY VERY VERY slow burn, YouTube, basically felix pinning after jack, felix/jack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-04-06 14:32:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14059017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legend126/pseuds/legend126
Summary: ten thoughts Felix had about Jack while falling in love and the one thought Jack had that finally made him love the Swede back.❝i don't want them to know the secretsi don't want them to know the way i loved youi don't think they'd understand it, noi don't think they would accept me, no❞- Hurts like Hell, Fleurie





	1. Felix’s Thought #1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfic on here :) kudos and comments would make me very happy and i hope that you all will enjoy this (or suffer) but either is fine
> 
> p.s. the warning is put there on purpose

AUGUST 31, 2013

     Felix was surprised to hear that some guy on YouTube had a huge popularity boast because of him, well, it is what he's interpreting from the comments from Jacksepticeye's vlog about winning the shoutout. He didn't even know the guy that much. Just that he was loud, pretty funny, and his Youtuber and real name. How would one even pronounce his Youtuber name? 

Why was Felix on the Irishman's channel anyway? It could be that Seán's content was good and that he could be a potential entertainer. He chose the guy because Felix saw that Seán genuinely cared about his fans and put a lot of effort into his videos. No, it wasn't weird that Felix searched for anything PewDiePie related. After all, he did care what people thought of him as. 

Sighing, because it was nearly 12 am and he haven't had a good night sleep, he moved his mouse to click on the red X tab when Felix heard Seán starting explaining about how absolute giddy he was and how he was going to work his ass off for the next few videos. The Swede was completely jealous and baffled to how Jacksepticeye was always energetic and full of life in every video he made. 

But he knew better to give the boy a cold shoulder for just because Seán was different (and better) than him. With one last look at the loud and excited Irish Youtuber, he clicked the X tab. 

https://youtu.be/vhjYqLgJnUA


	2. Felix’s Thought #2

June 23, 2014

They were about to play their first game together. Cry, Ohmwrecker, Jacksepticeye, and PewDiePie had all planned well so that they could be able to play Plants VS Zombies Warfare. While the other Youtubers were trying to set up for their videos, Seán was unable to control his excitement. 

"Thank you for inviting m'to play with y'guys!" his deep Irish voice rumbled through the headphones and Felix wearily smiled, then noticing that Seán would have been unable to see that so he spoke.

"It's really no problem," he replied in a way that should have sounded nice, Felix hoped. The last thing he wanted was for Seán's fans and his friends to think Felix couldn't get along with the rising new star. "I heard you were a cool guy."

Seán stammered over his words but regained his composure. "R-Really? Where d'ya hear that from?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Uh," Felix started, mentally racking his brain for answers. "Some fans of yours."

"Oh," said Seán, sounding a bit disappointed.

He didn't want for Jacksepticeye to think Felix as some weird stalker guy that watched his videos all the time. Felix would've felt bad if it wasn't for Seán probably also pretending to be friendly towards him. It could be possible for them to become enemies later in the future. 

Don't blame Felix. He's just being cautious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated!


	3. Felix’s Thought #3

PAX Prime 2015 (Part 1)

     He came into the room with the biggest smile Felix had ever seen, enough to make him cringe mentally. The Swede knows he's being a little harsh on a guy he had never met physically. Mark was the first person there to greet him and they hugged each other as if they were long lost best friends, laughing and giggling like small children. While Felix was having a normal conversation with Ken, Seán came up, smiling. Making a side note that the smile was only for Ken.

"Hiya! My name is Seán, but my friends call me Jack," he said, offering a hand and Ken takes it, smiling back in return. 

"Ken, here!" he replied, as merrily as the Irish man greeted him. 

Then the brown haired Youtuber faced Felix, the smile still on his face. "Pewdiepie! It's a pleasure to meet finally ya!" he said, his eyes shinning in adoration... is what Felix would've expected. Instead, Seán did the exact opposite greeting he behaved to Ken to Felix. With a normal expression on his face, he took out his hand. 

"Hi," he said in such an expressionless tone that caught Felix off guard and made him perform at what seemed like a nervous act.

"Uh, hi." The Swede shook his hand in what seemed like two shakes before Jack quickly pulled his hand back away and proceeding to return back to Mark as if nothing happened. Felix stared at his back in bafflement. What in the fuck's name was that?

Ken then whistled one low note, stuffing his hands into his pockets and begun to laugh awkwardly at the strange encounter. "Well, that was new," he joked. Why was it that Seán saluting himself differently to each Youtuber that bothered Felix so much? "Jack's the first man I've seen not squealing over you like a guinea pig in person."

Felix just laughed, not wanting to reveal how much it bothered him on his face. "Yeah, weird," he replied as his eyes darted around the large lounge room and catching Mark and Seán, no, it was Jack now, happily communicating to one another. 

"Starting in five!" yelled one of the crew members and Ken picked his head up.

"That's my cue. You should be putting on the red dress," he smirked as he winked. "Maybe Jack-a-boy'll notice ya in that."

Felix drily chuckled at that, punching his friend's shoulder harder than he anticipated. "Hey, break a leg... literally, please," he snickered to a giggly Ken, walking away, leaving Felix alone with his thoughts.


	4. Felix’s Thought #4

PAX Prime 2015 (Part 2)

     If the idea of Septiplier bothered Felix as much as it appeared like, he didn't reveal it at all. Instead, Felix brought it up in front of thousands of fangirls who would've done anything to get their hands on some hard proof of anything Seán and Mark related, even if it was a simple conversation between the two Youtubers. He didn't blame the fans for seeing something powerful between the two men. They shared a bond that people rarely had. Felix was fine by that, besides he had Mariza. 

So, why is it that it bothered Felix so much that Seán could get along with Mark more then? He surprisingly tried to be chill with Seán at the beginning of the show, which to Felix's shock, goes along with it. But much to his distaste, he still had to witness the playful flirting between the two Youtubers and meanwhile the crowds loved the hell out of it. 

"Septiplier away!" yelled Mark and the crowd of fangirls proceeded to shriek like their life depended on it. Was that a girl... crying in joy in the front seats? Felix couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes as he was halfway to rolling them, he caught sight of the brown haired Irish man. 

Speaking of him, Seán looked like he was having the time of his life, laughing and giggling, utterly sounding like an embarrassed Japanese schoolgirl. He knew how it felt like to be a part of a ship— PewDieCry and PewDiePie X Cinnamontoastken, and etc. Felix didn't really mind that there were fanfics and fanart of him making out with his friends... wait that sounded strange now that he thought about it. But time to time, he would feel uncomfortable and uneasy on the topic of ships. Felix understood how it felt to be under the spotlight in front of thousands of fangirls. He wasn't blind to see that the spotlight was definitely on Mark and Seán in the panel. 

That didn't mean he could stop bringing up Septiplier whenever the moment seemed right and unnecessary. Maybe it was funny to him or maybe he couldn't just stop thinking about how much it bothered him. Why? Sure, the blame's on him for being distant and cold towards Seán. But every now and then, Felix wished that he could be friends with him. He genuinely seemed like a great guy. It was Felix's jealousy and his bitterness that made it difficult to talk to him like a normal person. 

——

Felix couldn't stop himself from staring at Seán, and wasn't sure if whether the Irish man was noticing or not. (He wishes he doesn't) The panel was over and it was time for autographs and photographs. Mark and Seán still constantly talked to each other, made their fans laugh, and join along with them in whatever they were doing with the other Youtubers.

Ken knew something was bothering Felix from the look on his face so he lays a hand on his shoulder, shaking the Swede from his thoughts.

"You alright, man?" Ken asked and Felix nodded. 

"Yeah," he replied, hoping that the American wouldn't notice his disappointment. 

Ken looked unimpressed as the hand on Felix's shoulder tightened. "Hey, just because there's not a lot of Bros here— doesn't mean there's not any out there instead."

Oh. He thought Felix was upset from the loss of his fans in PAX Prime. If only Ken knew the real truth.

"Uh, yeah, you're right," Felix said, trying a smile. 

Ken smiled right back and went back to talk to his fans. Meanwhile, Felix went right back to staring at Seán. His heart stopped when he realized Seán was staring right back at him. The Irish man looked away quickly and pretended to laugh at whatever Mark said. Felix knew that he staring at him. It was only reasonable that Seán turned his attention away from Felix's direction.

"PewDiePie!" yelled somebody and Felix mentally shook himself from upon his thoughts and smiled at the smiling fan.


	5. Felix’s Thought #5

He surprisingly found himself playing a game with Jacksepticeye. Seán invited Felix to play Riftmax Theater with him and to say he was shocked was an understatement, he thought that the Irishman had hated him. But now that he was joking and playing around with him, Felix wished he did put into a bit more effort in taking the barrier between them away. It felt a forced, but he still enjoyed it. However, at the end of the video, Seán didn't even bother to say bye. He ended all of the communications between them two and left. 

"OK?" Felix said to no one in particular. "Nice playing with you too, I guess…”

Still, it filled with him uneasiness to have been left one-sided and empty. With courage that apparently appeared out of nowhere, he called him right back.

“‘Ello?” Jack answered, clearly surprised. “Was I supposed ter send yer somethin’…?”

“No.” Felix cleared his throat, now a loss for words when was hit with a question. “Uh, I-I, um, did I do something to you?” he asked and then mentally cringing at how desperate he sounded.

“Oi...I don’t understand.”

It was difficult to read Jack’s emotions when they were only communicating through headphones. Frustrated, Felix tried to wrack his head for possible approaches for this type of situation. The Swede knows without a doubt that Jack treats him differently from other Youtubers. When they were in front of an audience, Jack acted as if Felix was his bestest friend and Felix certainly played along (though he doesn’t know why.) But then like moments like these when they were alone, Jack completely shuts him off. 

“Do you not like me? Or are you just using me to get attention?” Yup. It was finally out in the open. There was definitely no way of coming back from this now.

“No! I—It-it’s just that Mark told me that yer didn’t like it when people gave yer too much attention an’ so I just didn’t want to scare yer off since I talk so much an’ so focking loud and Oi really want to be yer friend an’,” he rambled on and Felix has never heard him speak this much to Felix alone. He doesn’t know why, but a smile started to slowly stretch across his face. 

Before he could even stop it or even think, he begin to chuckle and Jack immediately stopped talking, only steady breathing could be heard.

“Did Oi say somethin’ funny…?” And he did genuinely sound confused. It was cute. 

“No, no. You’re good,” Felix said and if it possible, Jack sounded even more confused.

“Yer-Yer not mad?” he asked.

How would Felix explain to the man that the reason why he laughed was because he found him cute when he was embarrassed? All Felix wanted to do was go dig a hole and go inside, and possibly have therapy because why out of a billion living people in the world, was it Jack that Felix had mixed feelings about? 

“I would love to be your friend, Jack,” said Felix, more confidence in his voice, “and I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel otherwise. I’m not exactly perfect.” 

If it was even possible, Felix could hear Jack’s jaw dropped and he wasn’t sure if it was because he called him Jack off camera or that Felix actually wanted to be his friend. 

“‘onestly,” started Jack, “it’s kinda my fault we set aff de wrong feet… Was that the roi way to say it?”

“Yes, I think, but continue.”

“O-OK, I know I made things awkward an’ that I ‘aven’t been exactly de right or most nicest person to you. Jist know that I’m willin’ to make it up.” 

Another smile stretched across Felix’s face with Jack’s promise now in his head. 

“Let’s start over,” said Felix. “My name is Felix, aka, Pewdiepie. What’s yours?” 

“My name is Seán, aka Jacksepticeye. But yer can call me Jack....friend.”

They proceeded to giggle like anime schoolgirls. “Let’s start that game over, shall we?” asked Felix, feeling comfortable for what seemed like a long time with Jack.


	6. Felix’s Thought #6

If somebody had told Felix from two years ago that he would be tied up and be repeatedly and mercilessly pie’d by a loud and attractive Irish youtuber, he would’ve bark out a laugh and tell them to piss off. In this case, however, he was very fucking wrong. Despite feeling like his entire face and eyes were bursting into flames because of the shaving cream, (like honestly whatthefuck was in that shit,) he honestly had fun with Jack. Felix wasn’t blind to see that they were closer than ever.

There was no longer awkward tensions in the air whenever there was nothing else to say or any need to say something just because the silence was too fucking much to bare. They could finally play around and flirt and fight without it really affecting anything. But holy shit the septiplier fans won’t stop exaggerating every goddamn thing Mark or Jack did. The ship was bound to be brought up in sometime in the panels.

It was like no matter where they went, septiplier just had to be brought up. (Felix is mostly to blame once again.)

Earlier that day when Jack asked him if he dyed his hair because he was jealous of him and Mark and in all honesty, all Felix heard was jealous and Mark put together. Uncomfortable, he had to turn away and nearly stammer an excuse to not knowing what to answer. So, when Jack repeated himself with more integrity, Pewdiepie fully comprehended the question and breathed out a very hesitant no. If that didn’t make him look any more convincing, than he was doesn’t know what fucking will.

“Jury says no, bro,” Jack said with a shit-eating grin and Felix fired back his protests that he was in fact indeed, not, jealous, of anyone or anything. Alright? 

However, Felix couldn’t help but still be unconvinced and cringe when he noticed how he desperately tried to convince everyone in that room that he wasn’t jealous of Mark or Jack or the fact that they had to shower the fans with juicy content in every single interaction. It was clear that the ship made them uncomfortable and that was why fans were starting to call out the other fans about the strain in their friendship when it was, partially true. Jack had confronted him on how Felix felt personally when fans shipped him with Cry or Ken. 

“It doesn’t really bother me.” He remembered telling Jack on the speaker phone as he was cleaning his desk area to prepare recording a video. It had to be about a year ago. How Felix remembered, he will never know. “As long as they don’t interfere in my relationship with Mariza, then it’s fine, I guess. How come?”

“I don’t know. It’s starting to really bum me out whenever I see these type of comments on my videos and most of them are even about Signe...”

Felix could remember telling him to finally talk to his fans about the toxicity in his channel. How septiplier was beyond a force to be reckoned if Jack himself didn’t do anything about it. So Jack did. He posted a long thread on Tumblr (on Tumblr, holy shit) about his frustration. Needlessly to say, Felix was kind of proud of him and he felt like it had to be the fact that it bothered Jack that made the Swedish man so annoyed about septiplier. Jack was a close friend after all…

… a friend who was introducing them to Signe himself, smiling broadly.

“Mariza. Felix. Meet my partner, Signe.” 

It was last day in Pax and Pax decided to host a party for all youtubers and their dates. Obviously, Felix invited Mariza, although he didn’t expect to meet Signe for the first time there. Luckily Mariza, who was quick on her feet, gave them a smile of hers and introduced for the both of them as well. “My name is Mariza and this is Felix. It’s so nice to meet you! I love your outfit.”

“Ah, thanks! I love yours too! Seán tells me that you’re thinking of creating clothes?” Signe questioned. 

They continued to exchange words, which Felix understood nothing about. Something with fabric and buttons. Jack clapped his hand onto his shoulder, shaking him out of whatever dumbshit trance he was in. Blue met blue and Jack grinned devilishly. “Ready to git fuckin’ wasted?” he challenged. 

Felix grinned right back. “Prepare to lose so hard, Irish pussy.” With that bold declaration, he shoved Jack’s surprisingly warm hand off of him and ran to where the bar was. 

“What the fuck! Felix!” growled loudly Jack behind him. “Git back here, you Swedish bastard!” 

 

\- - - -

 

“UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH,” slurred Felix, his vision slightly blurry and his head rolled backwards. He was pretty sure he was more wasted than expected to be at the party. Mariza made a sound sounding remotely close to hmph as she tried to carry the weight of Felix on her. “It’s too early to gooo,” he whined, nearly falling over a chair if it wasn’t for his lovely and beautiful girlfriend. “You’re soooo pretty.” 

Mariza rolled her eyes or made a face, Felix wasn’t sure, but he could see a blush on her cheeks. It was nice to know he still had that kind of impact on her. Mariza had one arm wrapped around Felix’s waist and the other one was attempting to open the bedroom door with all of Felix’s heavy weight over her while his right arm was over Mariza’s broad shoulders and his left arm just dangling there, like a rag doll, it was a surprise that she had enough strength to carry a 5’11 man. 

“Why do you have to be so fucking heavy?” huffed Marzia and Felix gasped loudly, nearly crashing into the door frame. Her voice was suddenly deep all of a sudden. Did she curse too?

“Woah. I’ve never heard you—” he trailed off and frowned when upon noticing that it was now Jack staring right up at him, replacing where Mariza was once standing and supporting him and before Felix could fully comprehend what was happening, Marzia was once again at his side as if it was an illusion all along. “What,” he could only muster as his head lolled backwards, nearly passing out from the intense pounding that was currently happening in his head. The fuck did he drink?

Marzia rolled his eyes again and jostled them forward again to the the direction where the one king sized bed was in the center of the bedroom. Felix huffed as he felt his back hit the bed, he stared right up at the ceiling. Giggles start to erupt from his throat and chest was rumbling with laughter. 

A chicken on a horse. 

That’s funny.

He was pretty sure he blacked out right there before suddenly waking up again. The room was darker and colder. 

“Felix, sleep,” Marzia’s soft voice echoed in his ringing ears. Her pitch was normal again, it held a tint of sadness although. “It’s late.” She said as she threw a blanket over his body. 

“I want a kiss again,” whined Felix, getting up on his elbows, a pout on his lips. There was the door wide open right behind his girlfriend, blue light coming from the T.V. Why was his girlfriend up so late at 2 in the morning?

“No, Felix, you’re still drunk,” Mariza said, sounding closely hurt for some reason, like she was the one who’s kiss was rejected. Frustrated, he turned onto his side and pulled the blanket onto him even more. 

Before he could pass out again, there was a distinct bitter taste left in his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy, sorry ik the updates suck rn but i just wanted to let everyone know that i DO respect and support Felix’s and Mariza’s relationship and as well Jack’s and Signe’s and that i DO want to remind everyone that this is a FANFICTION. i know that Felix and Jack are just friends and this fic is written all in good fun. please do not harass the two couples. they have said in the past that it does bother them. thank you !


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